Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Eff you, Nietzsche

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger" Nietzsche. 

 I think a more accurate statement would be "That which does not kill you puts you one step closer to the Loony Bin"
Loony Bin, eh
This works too

Remember this?  Less than a week ago I was at the end of my rope.  Crying on the bathroom floor.  While I was down there, the universe decided to kick me in the stomach.  More accurately, the groin.  Yep, my sweet baby girl shared her staph infection with me.  I ended up with an abscess ....IN MY GROIN. What the hell?? Abscess and groin are not two words you want in the same sentence.  I am waving the white flag and I get a kick to the head.  It is more than I can deal with.

I find myself crying over nothing, and everything.  I spend most of the day cleaning and doing laundry.  I'm terrified we are never going to get rid of this horrible bug.

On top of it all, I can't do any training.  It totally sucks.  I want to climb in bed and pull the covers over my head.  Of course, I can't do that. So I'm doing the best I can.  I'm trying to hold myself together.  This isn't the worst thing that can happen.  It's just the latest in the never ending drama that seems to be following us.  Since we've moved to Seattle it has been one thing after another.  I think this is just the straw that broke the camel's back.  Does that make me the camel?   I hope not.  

I'm going to regroup and do what I have to do.  Let's hope 14 weeks is enough time to get ready for Boise.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Out of Whack

I am completely out of whack today.  Last weeks training was awesome.  I felt amazing.  Got in all my workouts plus 2 days of yoga and an extra swim.  Things couldn't have gone better.  This week started out great.  I got a babysitter to watch the kids Monday morning, and I went to yoga.  I was confident this week would be great as well.

That changed when I took Pnut to the dr Monday afternoon.  Long story short, we ended up spending 2 nights in the hospital.  Totally unexpected.  She is home now and doing great, but I'm in a funk.  I'm exhausted, stressed out and feel like crap. I spent 48 hours eating junk, sitting around, and worrying.

I have no motivation today.  I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  It's feels like I held my breath for 2 days and now all my emotions are coming out.  But I can't curl up and cry.  Laundry needs to be done, dishes need to be washed, bathrooms need to be cleaned, and kids need to be taken care of.    This isn't one of those instances when cleaning can be put off. It has to be done.  I don't want anyone else getting sick.

The last thing I feel like doing is getting on my bike.  I know I don't have to.  I have my priorities  in the right order.  My family comes first, but training is high up there.   I know I can find time for a 75 min ride.  I'm just not sure I have the energy or desire right now.

Monday, February 11, 2013

17 weeks to go

Not sure what happened this week.  It could have been the unexpected calls from school to pick Little Dude up, or the doctor's appointments, or the fact that I discovered a fondness for Bikram Yoga.   Whatever it was, my training was not what it should have been.

Here are the ugly totals:

Biked-2 hours-32 miles
Swam-1500 yds
Yoga-3 hours

Bike-2 hrs 40 minutes
Run-6 miles

I was feeling down about this until I got my training in today.  It was an awesome day!!
I did this:


Then I did this:

I know these are not amazing distances or paces, but they are really good for me.  What makes me feel the best about it, is that  it was easy.  I pushed myself, but I felt comfortable the whole time.  I feel like I'm making progress.  It's an awesome feeling!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Facing Fears

Last year I wrote this post about being scared.  It was my very first blog post :)  In it I made a goal to do things that scare me.  One of those things was Bikram Yoga.  In that post, I said I'd try it in January.  That was January 2012.  Finally in February of 2013, I conquered that fear.

I convinced Erika and Julie to try it with me.  It happened during the Super Bowl party, so they might have been tipsy when they agreed.  Either way, they agreed.

The few days leading up to the big day, I was freaking out.  I had nightmares.  I had stomachaches.  I built this up to be so big and scary.

Finally the day came.  The three of us actually showed up. No one chickened out but we all looked terrified.  (We didn't get any pictures, but check out Julie's blog, I'm sure she will have drawings.) We finally walked into the hot room and was hot, and it smelled a little funny, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  It was bigger and brighter than I expected.  I was also happy to learn there were bathrooms in the hot room.  One of my biggest fears was I'd be locked in a room and not be able to pee :)

Once we started, the sweating began.  Holy moly!  I had no idea I could sweat that much. Seriously, it was nutty.  I was able to do more than I thought I would be able to.  I had to sit down a couple times because I got dizzy, but it really wasn't that bad.

I'm soooo glad I sucked it up, got past my fear, and did it.  I'm already making plans to go back.

Have you conquered any fears recently?

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Grass is Always Greener....On Facebook

I woke up feeling that I wasn't living my life.  I wasn't living in the here and now.  So of course I went looking for someone to blame.  My blame has landed on Facebook. All social media, really.

I realize this is a cop out of sorts, but here is my thinking.  I love Facebook.  I am thousands of miles from home and  Facebook makes me feel connected to friends and family that I miss.  I'm starting to realize, it also keeps me from fully embracing where I am.  It is hard to make a new life when you are still living in the past.

Another problem with social media, it shows me all the things I'm not doing.  I'm not making fabulous meals, not spending hours with my kids making beautiful crafts, not organizing my pantry...I admit, I'm guilty of posting stuff that makes it look like I'm super mom.  On those days where I get out of my pajamas and decide to make cookies with the kids, I make sure it's documented.  This is never done to make others feel bad. I assume when people post pictures of an elaborate feast they made for dinner, it's because they are proud of it.  Not that they want to make me feel bad about having leftover hot dogs and potato chips for dinner.  The problem is, there is always someone out there doing something fabulous.  Not the same person, but always someone.  So everyday it's like a snap shot of what I didn't do.

Again, I know this is me and how let things affect (or is it effect) me.  I'm not blaming anyone.

Another problem I'm having....seeing people train for races. Races I want to do.  It seems like everyone (people I really don't know and will more than likely never meet) is doing an Ironman this year.  I REALLY want to, and I know I will....someday.  Now is not my time.  My family is not in a place for me to devote that kind of time and money to a race.  I know this, and I'm ok with it.  Until I read about other people.  I start thinking, well if they can do it, why can't I?   There is a laundry list of why I can't yet somehow I feel inferior because others can.  I know it's ridiculous. It's just where my head is right now.

My solution?  I could get off Facebook and Daily Mile.  I could stop reading blogs.  Realistically, I know that's not going to happen.  I am going to try to be more in the moment, less in my head.  Less keeping up with the Joneses (or is it Jones'?) and more being the best me.    Hopefully that will work out.

Monday, February 4, 2013

18 Weeks to go

I have about 17 weeks till Boise.  Have I mentioned I still haven't actually registered for the race? I haven't.

I want to keep track of my training, week by week and I figured this was the easiest way to do it.  Here's how last weeks training went:

January 28- February 3-I think this is week 18

Ran:6 miles
Biked: 52.4 miles
Swam: ZERO What the hell is going on?  My swim day was Friday, but I got my hair cut and colored, so I didn't want to get in the chlorine.

New hair.  Still getting used to it. 

Strength/stretching-TRX and some stretching.  Not enough. REALLY going to try yoga this weekend.

Good news, my hammy is feeling much better.  I ran 4 miles yesterday and didn't feel any pain.  I'm still getting tight in my right hip and calf, but I'm working on it.

Even better news-Ravens won the Super Bowl!!  So exciting.  The whole thing made me a little homesick and I'm sad to be missing the parade tomorrow.  But we did go to Erika's party, which was fun.  Even if there were a couple Steelers fans there.

I have a really busy week and I'm worried about fitting in all my training sessions.  I know I can do it, just need to be creative.

Off the Mark by Mark Parisi